Love and marriage Indian style

Valentine's Day seems like a good prompt to reflect on love and marriage here in India. Sardya, the woman sharing my train carriage today, is on a special mission. She has been given an envelope to deliver to one of her neighbors in Jhansi from a work colleague in Agra. Inside is a photo of the beautiful Cynthia, who may be considered as a match for the neighbor's son. If both families are happy with the photos then the conversation progresses to suitable marriage-material skills. Is she a good cook? Does he have a suitable job?

This all sounds a bit unromantic, but a very practical approach in a country where marriage and children is everything. There is no fate worse for women than to be a single mother - either through being widowed or abandoned. Divorce is rare. This would be viewed as being a burden on your family.

Prem, one on our guides, spoke lovingly of his wife, and how beautiful she is (although prone to a little grumpiness in the morning when she has to milk the cows, make the lunches, feed the children...). Dhereendra, our second guide, will probably marry later this year and entrusts to his mother the shortlisting process as she knows him well.

Where arranged marriages are less successful are those in rural/ poorer areas where girls as young as 12-13 are betrothed to much older men. This is less a marriage partnership and can place young girls in situations where their husbands are alcoholic or abusive. Thankfully, laws and social mores are moving towards a minimum age of 18 for marriage.

The alternative is a 'love marriage' where couples court and marry in the way we are familiar. This is more common amongst city professionals, who may delay marriage until their late 20s. I spent some time talking to Prerna, a gorgeous new mother from Udaipur, who courted for six years whilst completing her medical degree. By chance, her husband is a well-known Indian wedding planner, and big Bollywood style weddings are in vogue, with celebrations lasting for several days. When we were in Udaipur, both lake palaces were booked out for weddings. From our vantage point at dinner, we could see the invitees being ferried out, hear the drums playing across the water and got to share the fireworks. For more ideas you can check out Prerna's husbands website: www.ankit.in

Wedding traditions include the groom (usually very nervous looking!) being paraded through town to his bride's home. In Jaisalmer, one paints the date of the forthcoming nuptials outside the family home, and everyone who knows the family turns up. A good way to save on invitations and RSVPs?

Below: Prerna and baby Myra on the train to Delhi. Sardya and her very special delivery. Wedding procession in Jodhpur and an invite in Jaisalmer.